In 2014, I got pregnant. Initially, I didn’t want to keep the baby it was not the right time for me. I had post graduated; I was only 24 years old and just finishing my specialty, and it was only a few years after my grand mother’s death.

    Growing up, I lived with my mother and my grandmother my aunt and two older cousin on my mother’s side. My mother received a salary from work as well as maintenance payments from my father. When I was six or seven, my father travelled to South Africa to work as a doctor, so he sent us money, which helped us get through the Special Period in the 1990s. With this money we could enjoy the kind of things children should have, like going to amusement parks on the weekend, and cates at the beach. I learnt baller played the piano and the flute.

  When I was in sixth grade, I started noticing changes in my mother, one minute she was fine and the next she was angry. She was diagnosed with anxiety. I could not comprehend the situation as her anxiety attacks were unpredictable. I was also unable to handle it. Sometimes she

flew off the handle for absolutely no reason. My grandmother, Hilda, stepped in. She was a drawing teacher with a big personality. She’d get up early each morning and wake everybody up in the house. She was diabetic, and partially blind-but even so she did all the housework. In high school, I loved to style people’s hair and do their make-up. I had a music teacher in high school,

      Iled Magvis, who was only 20 years

4. One day while I was doing my end’s han, Magvis told me I had a irdresser’s gift and asked me to do er hair as well. So I started styling fagvis’s hair every day after class, and soon the whole class wanted heir hair styled. I became the official hairdresser of my class. Duc to my family background, was expected that I go to univerty. So, I studied dentistry. It was at aniversars that I met my husband Reinier. I was 18 and he was 19. He was studying medicine but failed test and dropped out. He began working as a computer teacher at a school. He has studied lots of different subjects such as gastronomy, tourism, English, and banking. Now he works as a salesman at a shoe boutique in Old Havana. Cuba is full of paradoxes. On the one hand, you can study virtually anything you like for free, on the other, when you become a

professional, you are poid pitiful wages. It is the American emharga, I think. As a dentist, I would be making way more money in an-other country.

In 2011 I suffered my life’s greatest loss: my grandmother died from pancreatic cancer. She was 79 when she passed away. When the docror diagnosed her with cancer, h gave her only three months to live During her barile with cancer, my grandmother would call me ‘super doctor’, because I gave her the in nilm shots and changed her biliary satheter. We were also happy when she proved the doctors wrong live ing far beyond three months. But one day, she had a problem with her catheter and was admitted to hospital, where she stayed overnight. The following morning at school 1 was told my grandmother died overnight. To this day, I just don’t know exactly what caused it.

After her death I suffered dreadfully. Family, friends, and classmates all gathered at her funeral. I don’t like these types of ceremonies. she’s not here anymoreeremonie’s the point? A few years after my grand mother’s death, five years into my relationship with Reinier, I got pregnant. It was not the right time for me, but Reinier convinced me to keep the baby, stressing that we both had our salaries and that his family was so happy for us. He said we could go through the both wanted a girl Sing until the eighthe pregnancy, when Frook leave My daughter was bom by caesarcies Camila is thre attends kindergwtes house. Every morning C take the bus there. The ond hus to the muing rush hour in H crowded and escort is difficult When you have a child, your priorities change. Being a mother involves such responsibility. When Reinier has a day off, be takes Camila to kindergarten, but most days 1 wake up at sunrise, prepare breakfast, and dress and comb Camila’s hair. In Cuba, most household duties are done by women. Cuban women usually raise the family, not just the kids, because the husband and the parents sometimes behave like children too.If I were only a housewife, I could dedicare mote time to my daughter, but I also work, so I have to take care of the housework, my daughter, my clients, as well as my husband. That said, Camila adores her father. Each day she eagerly waits for him to come home from work.

Thoughts of having a second child have crossed our mind, but money is tight. Reinier may have some clients who tip well, but both of us receive a basic income. I also work as a hairstylist in my free time where I earn in a day as much as I earm as a dentist in a month, but it’s still not enough for a second child.Four months ago we moved to our new apartment, my godmother’s home, who recently passed away. Our neighbours treat us as though we’ve known each other forever. “If you need coffee or water or anything, just give us a call,” they say. My next-door neighbour, Yaneisis, is like family to me. When we first moved in, she raced out of her house to invite over for dinner. Cuban people. are like that. Maybe we’re like that because of our bad internet connection; or maybe it’s the weather. womankind

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Three years ago 1 lost my hus Rafael. We had been married 10 years. I threw away everything reminded me of him because it deme sad. met Rafael in 1985 while prering any dissertation, a year before traduated with a biochemistry. He was a professor at the ternity of Havana. He and his her helped me with my thesis, cause his brother was a biochemnoo. They fact-checked my paper dnstructed me on how to pre my dissertation. A relationship with an educated and successful man nges your life, Rafael understood and encouraged me to pursue a het purpose in life. When I was at ght school, he’d pick me up in the houn: he was very sympathetic. Initially, we lived with Rafael’s ents, which meant living under Their house roles. There was no priecy, everything could be heard, and everyone had an opinion on every pety argument. In Cuba it costs a for to rent, or buy a house. But forunately for us, Rafael’s parents left ha for the US and we got the ause to ourselves finally an independent couple! Rafael had a son aa hus previous marriage, Ernesto He was two years old when we met, and I had Mary, who was just sixten we married. So, we told our wives, we already have a boy and a, although we did try to have a child of our own I was born on 11 August 1948 in Havana, in the municipality of Cer to. I was born in the transitory penod between the Republican Period (1902-1959) and the Revolution. 1 was ten years old when the Cuban

Portraits

Letters from Cuba

Photography

Sandra Weller

Revolution triumphed. I remember when the rebels marched in Havana with Fidel Castro at the helm. Everyone was bunting with hope. We lined up, thousands of us, to welcome Fidel and his comrades, gush

ing over them. These were glorious times. I remember the events clearly My mother grabbed my hand and bounced me up and down, cheering the heroes. She was a strong woman, the matriarch of the family

My mother was an assistant at a medical laboratory. But after the Revolution, my mother applied for

a higher-paid position and became a technician. My father was a barber who owned a store with two barber’s chairs. My father was a kind, noble soul. He worked all the time. My family was poor, but my childhood was comfortable. Back then, you could buy all sorts of things on credit in Cuba, which meant that poor people had some benefits-like my sister Consuelo and I had new clothes on our birthdays. But nowadays, if you want to buy something and you don’t have the cash, it’s impossible to buy it. How I long for those times.

Our rundown house in Palatino was built from decaying wooden planks. But we saved money and built a new house in Modern Luyanó, a better neighbourhood than Palatino, but still poor. We lived there until I was 15 and then relocated to another district My mother always wanted the best for us; she had great

hopes for me and Consuelo. She was the reason behind un constantly changing neighbourhoods! We eventually sold the house in Modem Luyanó, and build an even better one in a more up scale area, living with our aunt for a year during the build. It was located in Los Pinos, a suburban area with plenty of educated residents. In Los Pinos, I studied at the Institute of La Vibora, a pre-university institution. I had always dreamt of

because I had to buy many thin. to rescue my soul from anima to ritual objects to white tunics; also had to pay the babalawo for the ceremony. I am not a fanatic, buseriously believe in the existence dognosed with an eyeed glaucoma, and the gist studying would make en I left the institution, aking at the laboratory mother worked as a tech-rted out as a technician rdiography I was there ars, hat pined for some- omething better. I used won’t grow old making ographs For that rea-studying at night.

4, I got married to my first ne father of my daughter, as a member of State Se an important job but we for it. He was never at was away for long periods So I ratsed my daughter livorced in 1980

something else, something high So I obeyed. I retired from work age 60 and we moved with Rafa to Guanabacoa, a municipality this considered a haunted town a where people are devout follower of Santeria. Gradually, I rebuilt life. I took up Tai Chi and psych ballet to learn to express mys

with my body. I also studied astrology and reiki. I began to make sential oils according to my insight into a person’s aura; I would prep a therapeutic aroma for them, a after preparing the aroma I wou

infuse it with good energy (thar to reiki). I found a way to reli biochemistry to my faith. I hope Orishas (mortal spirits in Santer give me health to continue doing the right thing and to retain the of fortune-telling; today, my repution has travelled beyond Cuba people from all over the world; th

inued studying white and sister took care of long hours of studying my eyes hurt at all. I got a checkup with an blogst, and discovered was nothing wrong with Il along. The doctor had stake are ringing my phone.

Today, I live alone on a sm pension. Sometimes I feel lonely, b I treasure friendship, music, convsation, my faith, my Orisha state (which I keep in different places home). If I feel unwell, I go to doctor, but I also consult my saint. wen, to my disappointment, red that medical schools only schools in Cuba that students a stipend, so 1 study biochemistry instead ere salaried, and lectures ight. But one night, during I blacked out. Utter, pich hile the lesson carmed on as didn’t know who I was and s there. I punicked. When mother, she rushed me to The doctor explained that lapsus”, something that hits who is under a lot of stress. en was dissatisfied with the opinion, and so she asked And mystics told us I had to Cuban religion Santeria) and then connect to Yemaya (a water deity of Santeria). I also had to keep a number of seint icons at home, which would protect me from losing my mind. Today I read tarot. I see spirits, and hear eggun voices [spirits of the Jead in Santeria). If I know the name and date of birth of a person I can predict their life. Once a lady wished to know her fortune. She called me on the phone and left me her full name and date of birth. I told her she was going to be a widow soon. Her husband was angry because that meant he was going to die. And then in my 50s, a babalawo la priest in Santeria] told me: “You must retire from your profession, because you will go down with an incurable disease due to the nature of your job.” At the time I was working in the automation of the public health system and was always in front of a computer. The babalawo also told me he would “make me a saint”, which required I miss my husband. I may be thrown out all the things that minded me of him, but my home brings back so many memories.

our life: a dance, a song, the moments we argued about politics.was an educated man, and I love that. I could talk to him about a thing. I have made peace with passing but sometimes I can’t but call him back and a flood

I cannot remember when it started. In the beginning, he drank a glass or so on holidays and on special occasions. By my teenage years, he had became a full-blown alcoholic. One day he was happy, the next he was a different person: glum, threatening, and highly strung. He was sliding downwards. He was no longer my father. It’s hard to fathom why such an educated person would fall into alcoholism. He is a mechanical engineer, highly intelligent. Before my mother divorced him, he had even built a farm on the roof of our house with ducks, pigs, and chickens. I remember the sheer terror on my mother’s face, her cries that went unanswered. She kept silent about it to avoid a scandal in the neighbourhood. At times I wanted to hurt my father or just run away; but the idea of my mother alone at home with him stopped me from leaving. When I think back on tho

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Cost tou CUC 50,000 (US $50,000) or more. It’s all linked to the American embargo, which nearly destroyed Cuba. So, even though my parents got divorced in 2003, we lived together for more than a decade because we could not afford to live separately. We slept in the same tooth with my mother, while my father slept metres away. Most of the time my parents wouldn’t even greet each other in the house. They lived together, but far apart. In 2014 we left that house. My muen landed a job that provided a

horse like a donation, to now we It’s not easy to find someone with similar views on life in Cuba, Joan is an editor and corrects my articles. I cover art exhibitions for Art On Caha. I visit galleries, research, rake pictures, occasionally I interview ores: is an costring anthropol artistsogy. Joan is an academic and studies anthropology at the University of languages. He is respectful of my Arts in Havana. have our own house me, my mothet, and my boyfriend Joan. I met Joan at the University of Havana four-and-a-half years ago. He was in his senior year and I was a fresh-Cuba is changing-mum, and we get along beautifully. We talk through dinner, we watch TV and American movies together. We hang out with friends together. Sometimes my mam comes with us to the theatre or to the beach. We discuss our household expenses, how to fix a broken faucet, how to redecorate the living room. We also spend a lot of time with Jean’s parents, we go out together and celebrate birthdays. I even cur my mother-in-law’s hair.

I think Joan’s mother expects a grandson any time now! ago, we got interfort cra And since then we

people all over the world don’t have periment in cess, but at the facairy constant access two dem during the rest of the wat be online. It’s difficulity you are nor online that can’t keep up with the in your field. Bur I can’t thing to change that There is a new project and, supposedly, we will have internet on our cell soon. But in some way be without Wi-Fi bene have to make the effoif municate with other people to-face. With internet cul to each other. They’re yat their screens. I like gehe Contact. That said, we will take full

Jeantage of it when we have access it. Joan and I are both planning apply for scholarships abroad. We want to do this before we get marind Spain, Mexico, England, these the top countries on our list. I Cuba, but living here is really and because even if we work hard, at pay is poor. I am paid CUC 10

US $10) for two pages and CUC 51 rake photographs to go with review. Compare that to the of buying a house and you see to dreams of a good life in Cuba refutile. On the other hand. I am ten worried about leaving Cuba. I have a family here, and my mother. My mother is now 57 and is a the must. She works at a detergent actory. Women in Cuba are in- dependent as most women are diorced. Many are single mothers, rating their children alone. Many bold two jobs to stay afloat, My min special to me. My father…. I don’t hate him. Firstly, there was the divorce and now he has been lemoted from work. I know it’s not tult that he turned out this way. He lost his mother at the age of five was raised by his aunts and my father. But my grandfather as an alcoholic. He would go for two days without putting anything to his mouth, sometimes not showing for days, his nights drinking Leavily. It was enough to shape my Father. I visit him once a month or He is still addicted.

I went to a psychologist once. He said that my problem is that I expect life to be one way: a mother is like this, a father should be like this, a sister does this… He said 1 must learn to accept the way people are  That way, any good behaviour will be a nice surprise. So, I have been trying to love others the way they are, without demanding more than what they can offer. Now, I look at my father and see him as person who needs help. He is not violent any more. He is no longer a tyrant. He is alone and desperately begging for attention and affection from his daughters. But his best friend was and still is alcohol. He has lost a lot of weight. he doesn’t eat, but just consumes alcohol. His house is filthy, socks scattered everywhere, his skin colour has changed. He is carting around his misery. He smokes like a chimney and when he is sober, he shakes like he’s having seizures.

It is depressing to see. I am sorry for him, but I don’t feel guilty. It’s his choice. He chose alcohol over his family. So I remain his caretaker. I escort him to the hospital. I make sure he has his medication and clean his house every now and then.

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My cuban Export

Cuban graphic artist Idania del Río created the first internationally-distributed clothing brand from communist Cuba.

Interview by Stav Dimitropoulos Words by Idania del Río